Wrong Bra, Wrong Day

So, it's been almost 4 weeks since I joined the gym. I work out 3 times a week, twice with my "personal" trainer Bikki. Yeah, that's right, Bikki. Now before you giggle at his name, you need to meet this guy. He's a head and shoulder taller than me and all muscle. I doubt he gets very much flack from the other trainers, because he could crush their skulls with his biceps... if he wanted to.

Bikki has decided that I am a tough old broad, so he shows me NO mercy. The first time we worked out together, he grabbed one of those stepper things that you see the skinny girls using in the aerobics gym. I thought he was going to sit on it while I worked out, but he just points at is after I complete a set and says "20 times on the stepper, let's go."
And he lies!!!! He'll say 30, and just when I'm about done he'll say 10 more. Or, just for giggles, he'll add in a 4th set of some exercise just so he can make me do another set of step ups! It's my fault, because I said something about not taking it easy on me because of my gender and age. I have got to learn to shut my mouth.

So, there's me, gasping for breath, sweating like a pig (DO pigs really sweat? Somebody research that and post a comment), jiggling like a Thanksgiving Jelly mould, with a reddish/purple hue to my face. Such an attractive look. Could a girl possibly look less attractive? Sadly, I have to report that YES she can.

The other day, I went to the gym of one of my Bikki free days. I realized once I got there, that I had worn my push-up bra that day, and had failed to put a more "appropriate" foundation garments into my gym bag. This gym is a long distance from my home, so going back was not an option. I figure, what the heck... there's lots of girls around here who wear their push bra's under their gym clothes... no big deal.

People, I have to tell you it WAS A BIG DEAL! First of all, those girls are not really wearing push up bra's, their breasts actually push up naturally, if not surgically. Perky, firm boobs tend to bounce and sway to a degree but for the most part they point forward and upward.

That ship sailed a loooong time ago for me. I have 50 year old boobs... which need specially designed foundation (they call it that for a reason) garments to contain them. So, activities such as running on a treadmill, using a stepper, crunches, or any of those bending over exercises cause my "girls" to FLOP, BULGE or BOING all over the place. Seriously, the "girls" were completely out of control. At one point, I had to make an adjustment, to sort them back into their proper compartments, so I kind of did the grab and scoop thing that generally sorts things out. Then I notice the guy across the aisle from me is staring, so I give him the "wink and a gun", just to establish some solidarity... you know, "hey, it happens to the best of us... feel free to adjust your nuts if necessary." He just looked away.

Anyhoo... Wrong Bra, Wrong Day... with all the extra action I got that day, I am sure that I burned at least a 100 calories. From now on, I'll be bringing my Iron Maiden Form Bra.

Before I sign off, I must give you progress report: I have lost 7 pounds, and am now able to zip up my skinny jeans without laying down and using a coat hanger. I'm coming for you Little Black Dress...